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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24381085">Lovely Sins</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/sweethoneypetal/pseuds/sweethoneypetal'>sweethoneypetal</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>the GazettE (Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe, Anal Sex, Angst, Aoi is the master of an estate, BDSM, Bondage, Bottom Ruki (the GazettE), Bottom Uruha (the GazettE), Choking, Drama, Eventual Romance, Eventual Smut, Family Drama, Forbidden Love, Grief/Mourning, Hurt/Comfort, Incest, Love Triangles, M/M, Manipulation, Minor Character Death, Mystery, Obsession, Oral Sex, Revenge, Secrets, Slow Burn, Top Aoi (the GazettE), Top Reita (the GazettE), Unrequited Love, and so much angst, one filled with awful secrets</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-08-26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 01:42:18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>5</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>17,909</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24381085</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/sweethoneypetal/pseuds/sweethoneypetal</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>At the age of 17, Kouyou is suddenly and tragically orphaned. With nowhere else to go, Kouyou returns to the home of an old friend, one he hasn't seen since his childhood. Life is strange at the Shiroyama house, but also peaceful. However, as he draws nearer to Yuu, the mystery of his family and his home begins to envelop him, until finally, Kouyou discovers the horrifying truth.</p><p>*On Hiatus*<br/></p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>15</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This is a reworked and revamped project originally from 2014 that I never posted or finished. Please let me know if this is of any interest!<br/>-Honey xx</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Kouyou stared out the window as the city slowly melted into small towns. The towns then made way for the countryside, a lone house adorning the edge of the road only every few minutes. It had been a long time since he had travelled this road, and yet it all seemed familiar. Every landmark was where it should be, every turn was correctly taken, nearly every house recognizable. And yet… something felt different. Off. Perhaps it was the lack of excitement he had often felt as a child going in this exact direction. He glanced in front of him, staring at the driver whose eyes never once left the road. </p><p>It was quiet. So quiet. This young driver sat where his father should have been, speaking endlessly to his mother, who would be seated in the passenger's side, quietly listening. Next to him should have been his younger sisters, fighting over a toy or pulling on his hair, reducing him to tears. Their father would then turn around, yelling at them to leave him alone. Instead, there was only the never-ending silence. He was making this journey alone. </p><p>It had been years now since he had sat through this ever so familiar car ride. Years since he had been to that house. The last time was in the summer, not long after he had turned 12. Every year the Takashima family spent two weeks in the summer and one during Christmas at that house. That summer, they had only stayed for 6 days. Kouyou wasn't sure why his parents wouldn't say. After constant pestering from his sisters, it was their mother who had turned around in the car, yelling at them. Something she never did. She told them never to ask about that place again. And they didn't. Kouyou figured they would return during Christmas like they always had. </p><p>But they didn't. </p><p>Now, this was the first time in nearly six years since Kouyou had been to the Shiroyama house. He tried to feel excited, and he was sure he would have if circumstances had been different. If this were just a casual visit, he would be bouncing in his seat. But instead, he sat, unmoving, eyes staring at the forests that built themselves around the road. This visit was far too permanent for his liking. </p><p>It had been the driver who had approached him first. Kouyou had been dressed in a black suit, kneeling next to the shrine and framed photographs of his departed relatives. His eyes had been bloodshot and face pale from sleeplessness. Family and friends had stopped by paying their respects to the dead and sharing some tears with Kouyou. Still, they had all eventually left, leaving the teenager to perform the funeral rites alone. He could have gone home, but he still had the room for another two hours, and he didn't want to risk someone stopping by only to see his family unattended to. Not to mention, he didn't feel like going yet since it had stopped feeling like home ever since that terrible day.</p><p>Still, he hadn't expected for the sliding door to open, a young stranger bowing in respect to the photos that flowers and black ribbons hung from. Once that was done, he approached Kouyou, who stood to greet him. The stranger bowed low, dressed in a similarly black suit and brown leather gloves, before handing him a business card. He introduced himself as Kai, explaining that he was here on behalf of Master Shiroyama to pay his respects to the Takashima family. </p><p>Master Shiroyama? Kouyou thought it was strange that he didn't recognize this man since he had known most of the Shiroyama house growing up, but he supposed it had been a long time since then… He nodded, head a little too blurred from exhaustion and pain to think about it too seriously. "Will you thank him for me?"</p><p>"Certainly." The man lowered his head in a slight bow of compliance. He seemed to be acting a little formal and stiff for someone who looked like he was only a few years older than Kouyou. Still, he supposed that a funeral wasn't the time to be overly friendly. </p><p>"I've also been sent here to inquire about your living arrangements." Kai broke through his hazed thoughts.</p><p>"Oh?" Was all he could say at the moment. He hated to admit that he hadn't figured out where he would live yet. He knew there was no way he could afford the rent for such a large house with minimum wage pay, which is the only kind of salary he could get at his age. Even if he could earn the necessary money, that would require him to work full time and drop out of school, which didn't seem like a good idea considering he only had one year left to go. And sure, he had inherited some money from his parents, but it wasn't much. And once that was gone, then what?</p><p>Not to mention, the prospect of living alone, whether in his family home or in a tiny apartment, affected him. He didn't want to be alone. Not anymore. He did have a few relatives he could stay with, but most already had their own children to worry about and weren't doing too well financially either. He didn't want to be another mouth to feed. Another burden. </p><p>"I… I don't know." He finally admitted. "The Takashimas want to help, but they can't do much… I don't have much money either; my parents had debt so they couldn't save much…" That seemed like somewhat of an overshare considering he had just met this man, but what else could he do? Lie? That wouldn't help anyone…</p><p>"In that case, Master Shiroyama wishes to offer you a place to stay at his home." Kai made his intentions clear. </p><p>"That's very kind-! But I wouldn't want to be a burden; I'm sure I could find a place-," Kouyou babbled, trying his best to politely refuse. He really hadn't been expecting such an offer, especially after not having heard anything from them in years.</p><p>"You'd never be a burden to Master Shiroyama." Kai insisted. "Master has expressed that he would love for you to come live in his home, but only if that makes you happy, of course." </p><p>He had quietly weighed his options then and concluded that this seemed to be his best bet. Finally, he had agreed. He had even been told that he would not miss any school in the new semester; they would hire him a tutor. He wanted to be happy about this decision, but it was difficult to be happy about anything, really… In the blink of an eye, he had gone from beloved son and brother to an orphan seeking refuge. He was now a charity case. Nothing more. </p><p>The day before leaving, he had packed his essentials and a few photographs and keepsakes. His father's favourite book and reading glasses, Kyoko's pink hand mirror, Kaede's sketchpad and the hairpin his mother always wore to keep her long hair out of her face. He had clutched all these nonliving things that gave him very real memories of people who were once living. He had packed them in his schoolbag and then shoved that in the bottom of his suitcase. That night he slept in his parent's bedroom, sheets still lingering with their scent. Sheets that were now stained with his tears as he cried from exhaustion and heartbreak. </p><p>On the day of his departure, the car arrived exactly on time, 12pm, just like the driver had promised. Kouyou lingered in his house a moment more, staring at all the things that were once his, <em>theirs</em>. Soon his aunts would come and strip the place clean, selling and keeping various items. Eventually, the house would be rented out to another family. He wondered what they would be like. If they would be happy. </p><p>He glanced back at his home one last time before getting in the black car. He had expected to see a familiar face greet him in the backseat, but no, it was only him and Kai. "Good day." Kai had said as he took his suitcase to place it in the trunk, Kouyou nodding in response. Thus, their three-hour car ride had begun. </p><p> </p><p>~</p><p> </p><p>The house was just as he had remembered it. Large and foreboding, and yet also elegant and grand. A white Dutch colonial-style manor, it stood as a timeless monument to a land far away from this island whose Japanese flora and mountain ranges stood in stark contrast to the Roman columns and French windows it possessed. </p><p>The iron gates before it opened by some invisible force, making way for the car as it drove up the long stone driveway. The car had then come to a stop, and by the time Kouyou came to his senses, Kai had already gotten out and was holding the door open for him. He got out, inclining his head in thanks. Kouyou was about to get his luggage from the trunk, but once again, the driver had beat him to it. He stood in waiting, uncertain of what to do as Kai got out his suitcase until the large doors opened, and a short blond man in a black servant's uniform bowed to welcome him inside. Another young staff member he didn't recognize. Kouyou walked up the steps, reluctantly going through the door. This all felt wrong. Where was everyone? Where was his uncle?</p><p>He stood in the entryway, still uncertain. The large doors closed behind him, the short male standing at the ready. Kouyou suddenly wondered what had happened to the driver and his suitcase…</p><p>The man didn't speak to Kouyou, not a single word, which made him even more uneasy. Should he say something? Where was-</p><p>"Kouyou!" A man's voice ran through the entryway. It was deep but somehow familiar.</p><p>Kouyou glanced up as the man made his entrance down the grand staircase. "Yuu…" he felt himself smile despite his previous discomfort. </p><p>The man approached him, giving him a firm hug and smiling wide. "I'm so glad to see you… it's been years, hasn't it?"</p><p>It had been. If Kouyou had ever been unsure, he could tell just by looking at Yuu. He had changed and grown so much… The last time he had seen his friend was when Yuu was a fourteen-year-old, and he clearly wasn't a boy anymore. That was one of his first thoughts when he looked over Yuu, the fact that his friend was now a man. He was taller now, and his jawline had become stronger and more defined. His previously pale skin had tanned somewhat from the sun, and his ink-black hair was longer than Kouyou remembered, reaching his shoulders now. The years had also gifted him with a lovely gem shining in the corner of his mouth, as well as several other piercings that adorned his ears.</p><p>In comparison, Kouyou felt like a child next to his friend. What with how Kouyou could see and feel from his tight-fitting shirt just how much broader his chest had become and just how much more muscular his arms were. He didn't have the thin, boyish body or charms that Kouyou possessed, and it embarrassed him a little. </p><p>What embarrassed him more was how much he was focusing on Yuu's looks. Trying to shake off the feeling, he finally spoke up, "It has…" He nodded, thinking over Yuu's words, which only reminded him of the implications of his visit. His friend's kind smile and beauty had only been enough to momentarily distract him from his loss. </p><p>Yuu seemed oblivious to his friend's pain. Or, if he did recognize it, he chose not to acknowledge it. "You've grown to be quite a handsome young man." He grinned. </p><p>A wave of pink spread across the younger man's cheeks. He looked up at him. Indeed, those dark eyes and that teasing smile were some of the only things that had stayed the same. "Ahh… not as much as you…" he murmured. </p><p>"You think I'm handsome?" he smirked, raising a brow.</p><p>"Well…" he blushed brighter.</p><p>"Well?"</p><p>"…yes."</p><p>Yuu's smirk grew, seeming satisfied with the answer, ignoring the way that the man behind Kouyou was staring at them. "I have a meal waiting for you since I thought you must be starving after the long drive." He said, taking the younger man by the hand and guiding him to the dining room. </p><p>Kouyou felt his blush deepen, squeezing Yuu's hand softly as he led him away. He tried to remind himself that this would be alright since he was back with his precious friend after all these years. Yes, his grief would follow him, probably for all of his life, but… there was something so reassuring about Yuu's presence. Something that made him feel that he was safe, something he had felt ever since they were children. Something he needed to feel after this turbulent and devastating past week.</p><p>Once they reached the dining room, Kouyou spotted all the different dishes that were elaborately placed, ranging from seafood to soups, to meats, to pasta, to desserts and drinks. Kouyou stared wide-eyed. He couldn't remember seeing this much food on one table, not even years before on this same table. </p><p>"I thought we could have a nice 'welcome home' meal," Yuu explained with a smile, seeming pleased by Kouyou's reaction.</p><p>"This is so much, Yuu, you didn't have to…" Kouyou said shyly. This was really too much.</p><p>"Nonsense," Yuu said simply as he sat at the table's head, placing Kouyou to his right. </p><p>Behind them stood the man who had opened the door as well as another, taller blond servant he couldn't recall seeing before. The former served Yuu, and the latter served Kouyou, pouring their drinks and serving the different foods. Kouyou did his best to keep up and eat what he could, even though he hadn't had much of an appetite lately. It was also a little difficult when he could feel the smaller manservant's eyes boring into the back of his head. Had he done something wrong? He couldn't be sure. Or maybe he just imagined things…</p><p>They had been eating for a while when a thought suddenly occurred to Kouyou. "Where is uncle?" </p><p>Yuu stopped eating, and the two servants suddenly stood straighter, a certain tense feeling wafting off of them. He glanced up at Kouyou. "Father is dead." He answered simply. </p><p>Kouyou stopped as well, eyes wide as he rested his fork on his plate. "I'm… I'm so sorry, Yuu. When did he…?"</p><p>"Early in the fall, almost six years ago. So, not long after the last time you visited." He answered just as plainly as if this was old news that no longer affected him. </p><p>"I'm so sorry… I had no idea."</p><p>"Your parents came to his funeral. When I asked where you were, they said you were at home with your sisters. I figured they hadn't told you, or you would have insisted on coming as well…"</p><p>"I… I would have come, if I had known, I'm so sorry." He said seriously, before pondering it for a moment. "But why wouldn't my parents…?"</p><p>Yuu smiled sadly. "They didn't like me." </p><p>"Yes, they did like you! They probably just didn't want me to be sad…" He insisted, hoping to cheer him up and reassure him of his parents' good intentions. But the more he thought about it, the sadder and more doubtful he became. Since that was after the last time they had visited, meaning… all that time, Yuu had been sad and alone. Much like he had become… How could they not have told him?</p><p>"Perhaps…" he sighed, not looking like he was buying it.</p><p>"What happened to you after that?" Kouyou asked, evidently concerned for the Yuu of the past who had been orphaned so young. </p><p>Yuu smiled small, touched by his companion's concern. "I stayed here. Some investors took up the burden of caring for the financial side of the vineyard, while I assisted on location like Father had taught me."</p><p>Kouyou's face twisted up in worry and sadness. "So… you were all by yourself in this big house?"</p><p>"Yes," He nodded. "But don't worry, I wasn't completely alone. Father found me some company." He said, raising his hand towards the two servants.</p><p>Kouyou's chin began wobbling, and he bit back any tears. His parents… hadn't offered him anything? No help, no company? But they were family… "I'm so sorry, Yuu. I really had no idea."</p><p>Yuu reached out, placing his hand on top of Kouyou's. "Thank you for worrying about me. But please, don't be sad for me. Be happy that you're here now with me." </p><p>Yuu's touch and gentle smile filled him with such a strange yet comfortable warmth. It was like nothing he had ever felt before… or, at least, something he hadn't felt in a very long time. "Yes… I will try to." He said shyly.</p><p>"Now, I've had enough of this talk, why don't you tell me everything I've missed since we last saw each other?" Yuu smiled.</p><p>"I don't really have anything interesting to tell." He tried to think, wanting to humour him.</p><p>"I don't care. Tell me anything. Boring or interesting, tell me. I just want to hear your voice."  </p><p>"Alright…" Kouyou blushed. Then Kouyou told him every possible thing about his life that he could think of. He told him stories from school, about his friends and studies, he told him about his family, his sisters. Good birthdays, awkward valentines' days, beautiful Christmases. He told him everything. Some stories made them laugh, others made them cry. He thought he was distracting Yuu with these stories, but really, he was distracting himself. Distracting himself from the hellish past week, he had spent in mourning after the accident. They talked for what felt like hours, eventually moving on from the dining room to a sitting room, where tea and cakes were brought to them.</p><p>Finally, when night arrived, they parted ways, Yuu retiring to his bedroom for the evening, while Kouyou was led by the tall blond manservant to his new room. Luckily or not, he couldn't decide quite yet, his room was just a few doors down from Yuu's. </p><p>"My name is Reita, and I'll be taking care of you during your stay." The man bowed in introduction once they reached his bedroom.</p><p>"Nice to meet you." Kouyou inclined his head a little awkwardly before he started looking around.</p><p>His now empty (and previously disappeared) luggage awaited him here, his clothes already tucked away in drawers and a wardrobe, bathroom essentials neatly placed in the attached private bathroom, where a clawfoot bathtub sat imposingly. The only thing that belonged to him that hadn't been touched was his school bag, which he had crammed with memories, left by the chestnut wardrobe. He appreciated that. </p><p>Next to it on the large four-poster bed, his pyjamas waited, neatly folded and ironed. He was about to start undressing when he saw that Reita was still there, waiting for instructions. He blushed, gripping his shirt as he said, "Ahhh… you can go. I'm just going to get changed and go to bed."</p><p>"As you wish." He bowed, leaving the room and closing the door behind him. </p><p>Sighing to himself, the young man undressed and put on his pyjamas. He had always known the Shiroyamas lived in a completely different world from his own family, but this was somewhat overwhelming. He didn't need a manservant, he wasn't royalty, just a regular teenager. It seemed that even though he was happy to be reunited with Yuu, there was still a lot of adjusting he had to do to get used to this new life. With this in mind, he crawled underneath the covers of the imposingly large bed, quietly waiting for sleep.  </p><p> </p><p>~</p><p> </p><p>Kouyou lay in silence, eyes fixed on the tall ceiling. He couldn't sleep. It wasn't that he was uncomfortable; in fact, this was probably the most comfortable bed he had ever lain in. It was far bigger and more comfortable than his old bed, a lumpy twin mattress… and yet he missed it. He missed all of it, his small and uncomfortable bed, in his cramped yet familiar room, in the home that had been his ever since the day he was born. The smell of his mother's cooking, the sound of his sisters' complaints and teasing, the sight of his father's smile… he missed it all so terribly. He missed them all so terribly…</p><p>He clutched his pillow tighter, feeling the tears threatening to fall, a quiet whimper escaping from his throat. "Mother…"</p><p>Suddenly, a sliver of light broke through the darkness of his room. He opened his eyes, but the light had already gone. He felt the bed creak as someone slipped underneath the sheets. He sat up, afraid. "Who's there?"</p><p>Arms wrapped around him, lying him back down. "It's me." A calm voice answered.</p><p>"Yuu?" he whispered. </p><p>"Yes." The man answered, holding him close.</p><p>"What are you doing here?" he breathed, feeling himself blush as the older man's body pressed against his. </p><p>"After all you've been through, I didn't want you to be alone."</p><p>"…Yuu." He hiccupped, feeling the tears return. </p><p>"It's alright, I'm here." Yuu's fingers combed through his soft blond hair. "You'll never be alone again. I'll always be here."</p><p>"Yuu…" he curled up next to the older man, tears falling. "Mother…!," he cried. </p><p>Yuu held him while he cried, snot and tears staining his chest. He held him, even when he had stopped crying. He held him while he slept, nuzzled against him. </p><p>"I've been waiting for you." He breathed. </p><p>He held him as they both slept quietly. He swore he'd never let go. Not ever again.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I have set a bit of a vague schedule for this story:<br/>I'll be aiming to post twice a month, one chapter by the 10th of the month and the other by the 25th of the month. This way you guys will be able to know more or less when to see updates from me!<br/>Enjoy!<br/>-Honey xx</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>That night, Kouyou had no nightmares. In fact, he had no dreams at all. Instead, he slept peacefully and dreamlessly in his older cousin's arms. Part of him wondered if this was the reason that he slept undisturbed. It was, after all, the only reason that made sense.</p>
<p>It wasn't that Kouyou was usually afflicted by nightmares. However, ever since the accident, reliving a single nightmare had become his new normal. For the past week, whenever he closed his eyes at night, all he could do was relive that Sunday. That Sunday, he stayed home to study for his upcoming tests while the rest of his family went on a pleasant drive on empty roads along the seashore. The afternoon darkened into the evening, and still, there was no sign of them. When 10pm rolled around, two police officers knocked at his front door. Their faces were blurred, words rolling off their tongues and into Kouyou's blocked ears. He felt like he was underwater, straining to hear, to see, even to breathe.</p>
<p>"...Car accident...." </p>
<p>"...drunk driver..." </p>
<p>"...died on impact."  </p>
<p>He heard these words again and again until he woke up in sweat-dampened sheets. Unfortunately, although his dream would be over, his eyes wide and staring at the ceiling, his nightmare wasn't. Because he would remember everything at that moment and realize that it wasn't just a bad dream- it was reality. With that sorrow and dread weighing him down in his chest, he found it impossible to get out of bed. Especially once everything morphed into an oppressive feeling of guilt. Guilt that he hadn't been in that car with them. Guilt that he was alive, and they were not.</p>
<p>That first morning in Shiroyama Manor, however, Kouyou was spared from both the previously recurring nightmare and the horrific emotions that followed it, if at least for a moment. Instead, he opened his eyes to the sun pouring in through his window and a calm feeling enveloping him.</p>
<p>"Yuu…" He murmured, looking over to his side, but seeing the bed empty. Had last night simply been a dream? He looked over the sheets where he had felt Yuu and saw the slight wrinkles. Spreading his fingers onto them, he felt a lingering warmth that was not his own and found himself smiling small, a warm tint in his cheeks. Had Yuu really been there? It seemed more and more likely...</p>
<p>"Takashima?" A knock at his door.</p>
<p>"Yes?" Kouyou snapped out of his reverie and quickly sat up in bed. </p>
<p>"Breakfast is ready downstairs. Shall I help you get dressed?" Reita asked, not entering his bedroom without first receiving permission.</p>
<p>"Ahh- no, thank you. I'll be down soon!" Kouyou quickly declined. Once he heard the man walk down the hallway, he sighed a bit to himself as he got out of bed. This was still strange. These men seemed so young, and Yuu had called them companions, but they were very clearly servants. He wasn't sure he was comfortable with that just yet.</p>
<p>Moving a little slowly, Kouyou made his way to the chestnut wardrobe, picking out freshly ironed jeans and a spring sweater. As he pulled the soft material over his thin frame, his eyes met his own gaze in the antique standing mirror. His previously calm mood dampened more the longer he looked at himself, standing in the splendour of an old mansion.</p>
<p>All by himself.</p>
<p>
  <em>You don't belong here. You should be d-</em>
</p>
<p>"No." He said aloud, turning away from his pained gaze. "No. I'm here now." He told the reflection that he left behind, slipping out of his new bedroom. His shaky determination followed him down the hall and then the grand staircase to the front of the house, then through a few sitting rooms until they reached the dining room. </p>
<p>The smiling man waiting for him at the head of the table shook him even more than his newfound determination to remain calm. "Good morning, Kouyou. Did you sleep well?"</p>
<p>Such kind words didn't feel innocent to Kouyou. Not when he was pretty sure that he hadn't slept alone… Blushing uncontrollably, he smiled small as he took his seat. "Yes, thank you." </p>
<p>This was something he would have to get used to- seeing Yuu in the morning and the way he shone so brightly. Especially with that teasing grin he was wearing. However, he snapped out of his admiring daze once someone reached over to fill up his plate. He quickly glanced up and then looked back down. Right, Reita and Ruki were here too… He hoped that they hadn't caught on to Yuu's (possible) double entendre. </p>
<p>Yuu noticed his deep blush and smiled in a self-satisfied manner. "Do you have any plans for the day?"  </p>
<p>"I was actually wondering if you've hired a tutor… Kai, the driver, said you would for the new semester, but I was hoping he'd be here already." Kouyou asked, picking at his scrambled eggs, silver fork drawing hesitant circles around his food.</p>
<p>"A tutor?" Yuu smiled in surprise. "But this is only your first day here, wouldn't you rather relax for a while? There's no one here to get mad at you if you do." He promised, a slightly teasing tone in his voice.</p>
<p>"I don't mind, really." Kouyou insisted. "I don't want to fall behind and… I really need something to do." <em>Something to take my mind off this guilt and sadness</em>. These were the words he left out of his explanation, his chest tightening as the feeling spread and closed his throat, trapping them there. </p>
<p>It appeared that he didn't need to explain further, however, because once Yuu saw his dour expression, it was enough for him. "Alright. You can get started today if you'd like. I wasn't sure what you would bring with you, so I had Kai go out and buy you any textbooks and supplies you might need. Feel free to use the library, I think it will be the best place to help you focus."</p>
<p>The tight feeling in his throat worsened, this time out of a mix of both sadness and gratitude, but he swallowed it back and was able to speak properly. "Thank you, Yuu. It means a lot to me." He said sincerely, meeting his cousin's kind gaze.</p>
<p>He smiled in apology. "I wish I could spend the day with you, especially since it's your first, but unfortunately, I have some work to do in my office and the vineyard. But don't worry, Reita will be an excellent tutor and companion for you today. And Ruki will help where he can as well."</p>
<p>"No, no, I understand. Please, don't interrupt your work just for me." He shook his head shyly, before glancing over at the two servants behind them. Their expressions were so hard to read… and Reita as his tutor? Would he be a temporary replacement, then? "Thank you, I'll be happy to have the company, as long as I'm not getting in the way of anyone's work." He said to Yuu, but also to the other two men. He hoped he wasn't a bother…</p>
<p>"Don't worry, you won't be. You'll be in good hands." Yuu tried to reassure him, although the way the smaller servant shifted uncomfortably at his words made Kouyou wonder if that was the truth. </p>
<p>They continued on with their meal<strong>,</strong> Kouyou doing his best to eat at least a nominally healthy portion despite his persistent lack of appetite. Once Yuu finished his share, he stood up, placing his napkin to the side, just as Ruki moved quickly to pull his chair out of the way. "I should get to work. Make sure to take breaks from your studying and feel free to wander about the house or fields. Remember, it's your home now too, and you can do as you please, alright?"</p>
<p>"Yes… thank you, Yuu. Have a good day." Kouyou smiled small.</p>
<p>"You too. I'll see you later." Yuu smiled, reaching over to gently ruffle his hair affectionately.</p>
<p>Kouyou blushed softly at his sweet gesture. By the time he gained the courage to peek up at him, the man was already gone, leaving him alone with his servants. His gaze fell back down to his half-eaten meal, skin returning to its original pale colour. He wasn't literally alone at the moment, but with Yuu gone, he certainly felt like it…</p>
<p>"Are you finished with your breakfast?" </p>
<p>Reita's words snapped him out of his daze, and he smiled awkwardly. "Ahh, yes, thank you." He pulled the napkin off his lap and set it down on the table as Yuu had done, standing to excuse himself. </p>
<p>"I'll meet you in the library momentarily. Your things should all be there. Do you remember the way?" Reita inquired.</p>
<p>"Yes, thank you." Kouyou lowered his head as he quickly made his way out of the dining room.</p>
<p>He wasn't sure why he was so awkward. He thought it over as he made his way through the maze-like first floor of Shiroyama manor, traversing various tea rooms and sitting rooms from memory. He supposed it might be because this wasn't at all what he had been expecting. He had been expecting it to be him and Yuu and his uncle and the staff he had grown up seeing and knowing by name. But it wasn't, not when his uncle was dead, the staff mysteriously nowhere to be seen, and the family that should have accompanied him here gone. It could never be like before, not ever again.</p>
<p>The realization gave him a heavy, sick feeling in his stomach as he opened the tall double doors to the library. That feeling followed him as he looked over the floor-to-ceiling bookshelves that filled nearly every wall. It persisted even as his fingers carelessly dragged over the familiar bound volumes and the leaves of various potted shrubs and flowers that lined the walls equally as thickly as the bookshelves. It worsened when he gazed out the tall windows to the east of the library, sunshine warming his face and a slight breeze fanning the cream-coloured curtains open. The beautiful sunny day and the lovely view of the gardens and vineyards made him suddenly realize- how many times had Yuu walked through this library alone? How many times had he leafed through countless volumes, alone? How many times had he gazed out this very window, alone? </p>
<p>The sinking feeling had worsened because he had suddenly realized that Yuu had been utterly alone. While Kouyou cried over his family now, he still had aunts and uncles and cousins to reach out to, many of whom had tried to help even though it was beyond their means. Who had Yuu had? His only living relatives were Kouyou's family, and they had neglected him, left him alone. Kouyou still had family, but now that his nuclear family was gone, the only family Yuu had- was Kouyou.</p>
<p>Kouyou was his only living relative. And maybe, as far as he knew… his only friend.</p>
<p>He began to doubt his own grief. How could he feel this way, when what he had lost was so recent, and Yuu, for years, had had no one? Nothing? </p>
<p>Holding onto himself, he leaned against the windowsill, cheek pressing against the warm glass. He knew this guilt, this sadness was probably misplaced. He had only been 12 when Uncle had died… what could he have done? Rather, what could his parents have done? They could have done something, anything, he was sure of it-! Instead, they had left their nephew alone in this ungodly large house. His only companions were the people on his payroll…</p>
<p>Why? Why had they done this to Yuu? It didn't make any sense… Was this guilt he felt, guilt on their behalf? Surely, his parents weren't bad people… right?</p>
<p>This wasn't good. All of these confusing thoughts weren't helping Kouyou's grief, and he knew it. Straightening himself up, he pulled away from the windowsill. Just as he did, something surprisingly close to him caught his attention.</p>
<p>It was a desk, its wood polished and shining in the sunlight of the window it sat next to. But not just any desk, it was a student's desk, the type he would see in his high school. He was pretty sure he'd never seen it there before today…</p>
<p>Approaching it almost cautiously, he found himself sliding into the seat attached to it. He wondered if this had been bought to make him feel more at home... or rather, at school. Smiling curiously, he lowered his head and peeked into the desk and just as he had guessed, it was full. Reaching inside, he pulled out a few textbooks and a new-looking pencil case which seemed filled to the brim. Looking over everything, he cracked open the first textbook on the pile, a grammar book. He smiled, leafing through the coloured pages. It was clearly brand new and the latest edition. Unable to help himself, he brought the book to his nose and inhaled. The new-book smell was comforting, honestly. It was simple things like this that always managed to make him smile.</p>
<p>"Right…" He reached into the pencil case and pulled out the first pen his fingers came across, before turning to the first chapter. Holding the pen firmly, he couldn't help but smile softly. Already, he could tell that he had been right. This was the kind of distraction he needed.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>~</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Great. Now we're babysitting the brat too?" Ruki grumbled as he helped Reita clear off the dining table. </p>
<p>"Haven't you noticed? We've always been babysitters, Ruki. Ever since we first got here." Reita chuckled softly, throwing the discarded napkins onto his pile of dirty plates and cutlery, while Ruki took care of the glasses and leftover food.</p>
<p>"Don't say that about Master Yuu-!" He gasped incredulously. "You heard what he said last night, we're his companions. As close to his equals as we could ever hope to be."</p>
<p>Reita couldn't help but chuckle a bit more at that as they made their way out of the dining room and down the servants' hall towards the kitchens. "Babysitter, companion, it's all the same, really."</p>
<p>Ruki frowned up at him. "Now you're just trying to annoy me." He grumbled. "Do what you want, but you better not let Master Yuu hear you talk like that."</p>
<p>"And you better do the same," Reita said a little more seriously. "You're not very subtle in your hatred of the Takashima boy. You stare at him like you hope he'll burst into flames… and like you think Master Yuu won't notice."</p>
<p>His face became pink from both embarrassment and anger at such a comment. "It's not my fault… but if it worries you so much, then I'll try to reel it in. Not for you but for Master Yuu's sake." He said, placing the leftover food on free counter space to wrap them up to be stored away and eaten later. "I don't want to upset him." He added, this time a little bit softer.</p>
<p>Reita placed the dirty dishes in the sink before approaching Ruki, who bit his lip and kept his head down in a weak attempt to focus on his work. "Everything you do is for his sake, isn't it?" He said lowly.</p>
<p>"Of course-!" Ruki glanced up suddenly, meeting the other young man's strange gaze and instantly blushing a deeper shade of pink because of it. "Everything I- we do is for him." He corrected himself.</p>
<p>"If that's the case, then why are you acting so jealous? For Master Yuu?" Reita murmured, circling his arms around Ruki's waist. "Or for his attention?" He whispered, lips pressing against the shell of his ear. </p>
<p>"I…" He shuddered lightly, hands stilling their busywork. </p>
<p>"Because all it's doing is getting <em>my </em>attention." His lips moved downward, pressing against the crook of his neck, tasting him with only the tip of his tongue.</p>
<p>"Rei…" Ruki gasped softly, his fingers trembling lightly from the intimate yet gentle contact.</p>
<p>Before he could make it much further, however, they were interrupted by the sudden sound of someone clearing their throat. The smaller man immediately reacted to that, pushing Reita off of him. The two then turned their attention to Kai, who stood in the middle of the kitchen carrying a silver platter, his expression rather severe. </p>
<p>"It's time for Master Shiroyama's morning tea and medicine." He informed them, not commenting on what he had just seen, but rather, getting straight to business as usual.</p>
<p>"Of course-! I'll take it to him right away." Ruki said, taking the offered platter with all of the master's necessary tea-things along with his vials of various medicines. </p>
<p>Once Ruki had rushed upstairs to bring Yuu his tea in his office, Kai turned his attention to Reita, sharp brows still furrowed. "Young Master Takashima is waiting in the library- it seems he's already begun his lessons. If you wouldn't mind assisting him in that, I'll take care of the mess in here."</p>
<p>"Thank you, Kai." Reita lowered his head a little to his elder, before slipping out of the kitchen towards the manor's grand library. He should have felt embarrassed by the encounter just as Ruki had, but to him, that would have been a mark of shame. </p>
<p>And he felt no shame.At least not when it came to Ruki.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>~</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Reita did eventually meet him in the library as promised, and they began their lessons for the day. Kouyou hadn't been certain at first about having Reita be his tutor since he couldn't be older than 20, so he supposed about Yuu's age. He had thought that they would have hired someone a little… older? Someone more his teachers age back at his school with their decades of experience and studies? But, after Reita informed him that he would be his permanent tutor for the foreseeable future, he proved himself to be an incredibly astute and intelligent teacher. Kouyou could easily follow along with his lessons and explanations, the two working from matching textbooks.</p>
<p>After their first subject, Ruki joined them in the library, as ordered earlier by Yuu. However, he didn't say much, only reinforcing Kouyou's initial guess that he had unknowingly wronged him in some way- or worse, that he simply didn't like him. Kouyou concentrated his hardest on his schoolwork out of the need for a healthy distraction to, well, everything. Meanwhile, Ruki sat on one of the loveseats facing the two and tucked away between bookshelves and houseplants, folding and carefully ironing what looked like Yuu's clothing.</p>
<p>Kouyou had so many burning questions for these two young men, mostly about Yuu and his uncle. However, Ruki's cold silence and Reita's surprising focus on his lessons kept his questions at bay. Instead, just as he had told Yuu, he focused on his studies. Luckily, this helped make the day go by a lot quicker and kept (most) bad thoughts silent. </p>
<p>So much did he become engrossed in his studies, however, that Reita had to insist that he take a break in the afternoon, and not just for lunch. "You've done very well today." He said, his voice kinder than he had heard it so far, removed of its usual formal stiffness. "But I think you should give your brain a rest and your legs a good stretch. Why don't you go on a walk, like Master Yuu suggested this morning?" He offered the teen such a warm smile that it was hard to say no. Besides, he knew he was right…</p>
<p>"Alright… thank you so much for your help today." Kouyou smiled in return, standing up from his little desk to stretch and put away his textbooks and supplies. </p>
<p>"Dinner will be in just a few hours, so I'll look the other way if you decide to take an 'extended' break." Reita smiled in a friendly manner, while Ruki stood and quietly left the library to do some other work of which he didn't bother disclosing.</p>
<p>Kouyou glanced over at Ruki's disappearing form. He really was being a burden to these young men, wasn't he? Interrupting their schedules and work, and who knows what else… Trying not to look too bothered, he turned his attention back to Reita and nodded. "Thank you again… I guess I'll see you later." He said, turning his back on the man to open the tall French doors and step onto the veranda, the afternoon sun warm on his pale face. He closed his eyes momentarily before opening them again and looking over his surroundings.</p>
<p>This exact place was where he had tumbled and ran around as a child, dashing down the wooden stairs, past the gardens and then zigzagging through the vineyard just beyond that. He had giggled and panted, small hand held firmly inside of his cousin's as they outran the panicked staff. Staff who called out to them in both worry for the safety of the children and the nets of grapes that hung above their heads. They had been severely reprimanded by their parents for that little stunt. Still, despite Kouyou’s tears and regretful words, once they were alone again, Yuu would steal candy from the kitchens to share, making him forget his childish guilt. Yuu always made things okay, always found a way to make his smile return and tears dry.</p>
<p>And now, as he looked over this vineyard full of memories, he did not see a smiling child with dirty hands and stolen candy. Instead, he saw an adult, a man, speaking to his employees. He wasn't playing in the vineyards anymore; he was managing it now.</p>
<p>All of these memories and thoughts gave him a strange feeling, one that was hard to name. Seeing his childhood friend all grown up like this, without having been there to see him grow up, to grow up alongside him… He felt strange.</p>
<p>Yuu seemed to notice his gaze, even though he was quite far away and glanced back at the house. Seeing Kouyou, he smiled and waved.</p>
<p>Kouyou smiled back, stretching his arm out to wave back. When Yuu turned back around to continue his work, Kouyou's smile turned melancholic. There was so much, too much on his mind… But first and foremost, he needed answers. Why had his family left? Why had they abandoned Yuu? Why hadn't they told him of his uncle's death? All these things, he needed to know… If he was going to process his grief properly, he needed to understand his parents' decisions. He needed to understand them better as people. He needed the truth…</p>
<p>Resolutely, he decided he would find out the answers for himself.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>~</p>
<p> </p>
<p>As Kouyou quickly discovered, all of that was easier said than done. He had intended to ask Yuu at dinner, but Ruki's stony expression and presence made him feel a lot more uncertain and shyer. He then tried to speak with him alone, but Yuu had some unexpected business to take care of. He waited, but soon it was time for bed, his pyjamas waiting for him in the same spot as the night before, along with a hot bath that was drawn by Reita in his adjoining bathroom. After insisting he didn't need any help (he was quite capable of washing himself, thank you!), Kouyou sat in the tub, hugging his knees to his chest. He tried his best to clear his head. He was overthinking things; probably, he had just gotten here yesterday, and already he had so many questions… Still, he needed to know all these things. For closure. Or something like that. </p>
<p>He pressed his cheek against his knee, sighing to himself. When could he speak with Yuu alone? It seemed he was always busy or with one of his 'companions'. Could he ever get him alone? Perhaps, if Yuu came to his room tonight like he was pretty sure he had the night before… He blushed deeply at the thought. Even if last night hadn't been a dream, what was the likelihood that Yuu would come back tonight?</p>
<p>Casting the thought out of his mind so as not to get his hopes up, Kouyou climbed out of the tub and dried himself off before going into his room, slipping into his pyjamas and then his bed. Turning off the lamp on his bedside table, he closed his eyes, heart pounding against his ribcage. </p>
<p>By the time the light slipped into his room, his heart had calmed itself, having given into his reason, which told him not to expect anything. When his bleary eyes opened, the light was gone, and someone was climbing into his bed. His heart stammered, its quickened beat echoing in his ears. Was it…?</p>
<p>"It's me," Yuu assured him gently, bringing him into his arms just like he had the night before.</p>
<p>"…Yuu." Kouyou murmured softly, trying to see his invisible form in the darkness.</p>
<p>"I promised I wouldn't let you be alone." He whispered, his words a gentle comfort to him and his pounding heart.</p>
<p>Now, now was his chance… His mouth opened, and yet, those soft words seemed to put a stop to his plans. Yuu had sounded tired but glad to quietly hold him, just as he had done last night… "Thank you for being here," was all he managed to say. It just didn't feel like the right moment anymore…</p>
<p>This was only confirmed further when Yuu pulled him closer. The two lay in comfort, Kouyou falling back asleep with his head nestled on Yuu's shoulder. His questions could wait another day… for now, all he wanted was <em>this</em>.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Despite exams, I was able to post on time! So, I will be maintaining this schedule: twice a month, by the 10th and 25th of each month.<br/>Thank you for all your continued support!<br/>-Honey xx</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>No one in the northern mountain ranges of Yamanashi Prefecture could recall when the Shiroyama family had arrived. They weren’t sure when they had replaced the previously absentee landlord of the surrounding small agrarian villages. The only thing the elders could tell you is that it was a time of great suffering and famine, and which made the Shiroyamas a godsend. Transforming the old estate into a vineyard and winery meant jobs, food, and income for the nearby inhabitants. The village saw a revival, one that dragged them out of starvation and misery. That family became the people’s bread and butter.</p><p>That’s why grandparents told their grandchildren that when they prayed, they should thank God, the Saints, and the Shiroyamas for everything they had. </p><p>This sentiment carried over to the Matsumoto family, like many other families, who for generations worked in the fields of the vineyard. So, when Master Shiroyama requested an interview with their thirteen-year-old son for a possible position in the Manor, the Matsumoto’s were ecstatic. </p><p>Their son, Takanori, however, was not. He was nervous as hell and didn’t understand what the Shiroyama family could possibly want with him. What kind of work could they even give him when he was so young and small? A long-time complex of his had always been his height. While his classmates and friends his age and even younger had sprouted up, he remained the same, his body rather thin and child-like for his age. He was scared that the Shiroyamas would take one look at him and dismiss him, leaving his family humiliated. He didn’t want to disappoint either the Shiroyamas or the Matsumotos.</p><p>His mother wouldn’t hear any of his doubts. She dressed him in his finest Sunday clothes, fixed up his hair, and finally declared how handsome he looked after some more fussing. “They’ll love you, Takanori. A handsome boy like you.” She said, before forcing him out of the house, keeping her hand in the middle of his back so he wouldn’t escape as they walked up the dirt road to the gates of Shiroyama Manor.</p><p>That was another source of his anxiety- he had never met or even seen the Shiroyamas. They remained up until that day, an elusive family, one whom all praised, but few could describe. So it wasn’t entirely his fault that his heart was pounding in his chest and that it didn’t stop once they were let into the imposing old house, led up the grand staircase by a maid and swept into Master Shiroyama’s bedroom. </p><p>“Matsumoto, I assume. Come in, have a seat.”</p><p>Takanori wasn’t sure what he had been expecting, but it wasn’t- it certainly wasn’t this. Master Daichi Shiroyama, a man he had heard about since his birth as the provider for this community, a man he had imagined as almost God-like, was finally before him and was anything but what he had pictured. He was seated up in his grand four-poster bed, pillows of various sizes helping to keep him up, and yet, what should have been grand only looked like it was swallowing the thin man whole. This colossal man who had given Takanori’s family everything they had- was weak and sickly looking. There were IVs, a heart-rate monitor, and various other medical machines Takanori couldn’t place attached to the blue veins that popped through his pale, nearly translucent skin. Long, dark hair that probably once shone splendidly sat limply, barely holding onto its owner’s scalp and sticking to his face. His bony and hollow cheeks made him far too frail, far too human looking for what Takanori had expected. Still, despite it all, his shining dark eyes held vivid life to them, which caught the young boy’s attention far more than all of the noisy machines or the poor health of their user. They held him in place, forcing him to stop and do nothing but stare in wonder.</p><p>That is until his mother cleared her throat. “You heard Master Shiroyama. Takanori, have a seat.” She said, sitting down on one of the two armchairs that sat facing him.</p><p>Takanori blushed, pulling away from the man’s intense gaze to obey his mother, taking a seat next to her.</p><p>“Please forgive him, Master Shiroyama, he’s quite nervous about today.” Mrs. Matsumoto felt the need to clarify, not wanting to offend her employer.</p><p>“No, no, it’s quite alright.” Daichi gave a warm smile, something which Takanori couldn’t help but be transfixed by once again. “Consider this an informal discussion.” He smiled at the youth. “Was your name Takanori?”</p><p>He nodded shyly.</p><p>“And how old are you, Takanori?”</p><p>“Thirteen, Sir.” He spoke up.</p><p>“Thirteen? Then you’re just a year younger than my son.” Daichi’s smile lingered, if anything, it softened at that.</p><p>Son? He gazed up at the man in surprise. His mother had made no mention of Master Shiroyama having a son!</p><p>“I think you should meet him. He is, after all, why you’re here.” The man added, puzzling Takanori further. “Yuu?” He called out.</p><p>A side door that Takanori had not noticed until this point opened and a young man stepped out. The young, handsome teenager with the same black eyes as his father approached the other teenager and his mother. “It’s nice to meet you,” He offered a small smile to his guests.</p><p>If Daichi had transfixed Takanori, his son stole his breath away.</p><p>Mrs. Matsumoto bowed her head to the Young Master, all while subtly pinching her son’s arm, snapping him out of his daze with the sharp pain.</p><p>“It’s nice to meet you too,” Takanori bowed his head, finding himself blushing furiously. When he lifted his head again, he discovered that Yuu was staring at him. Was it out of curiosity, interest, or disgust? Takanori couldn’t tell. All he knew was that it made his heart race. He was almost certain that Yuu could hear it since it pounded in his ears so loudly. So much so that he could barely listen to what his mother and Daichi were talking about. </p><p>“Your son would reside here with us. He’d receive his training here as a staff member, but also study alongside my son as well as keep him company. He has an excellent tutor, who studied in…”</p><p>“…That sounds like a wonderful opportunity for our Takanori; he’s really quite…”</p><p>“…And your family would be rewarded, of course, with a sort pension in exchange for…”</p><p>Takanori was trying his absolute hardest to focus on what the adults were discussing, but those eyes… Those eyes that gazed at him would not allow his attention to leave Yuu for a single moment.</p><p>“Father, can Takanori and I go out to spend time together? I want to get to know him better but don’t want to interrupt your talk with Mrs. Matsumoto.” Yuu suddenly spoke up.</p><p>“Why, yes, of course.” Daichi smiled at his son.</p><p>Yuu stepped forward, about to leave the room, when he turned back and gazed at Takanori expectantly. “Are you coming?” </p><p>The teenager, who had been glued to his seat from the Shiroyamas’ mere presence, stood up suddenly. Surprised by his obeisance, he gazed back at his mother, expecting… something?</p><p>“Well, go on, dear.” She smiled, nodding her approval.</p><p>Takanori nodded in return, swallowing his nervousness as he bowed his head in respect to Master Shiroyama, before going to follow the Young Master.  </p><p>Yuu opened the door and left with Takanori, taking his smaller hand into his to lead him down the hallway. “Have you seen the library? I think you’d like it. Do you like to read?”</p><p>Takanori stared at his hand in Yuu’s, his cheeks a soft pink. Was this really happening? He gazed back up at the boy, heart still pounding in his ears. “Yes… I do.” </p><p>Yuu smiled at that. “It has a great view of the gardens.” He led him down the stairs.</p><p>“Am I… going to live here?” Takanori spoke up, still in a daze over this whole situation.</p><p>Yuu paused, turning to face him. “You are, if you want to.” He smiled small. “And I would like it if you did.”</p><p>Takanori blushed a deeper hue of pink, and that seemed to be enough of an answer for the other teenager.</p><p>“But if you’re going to live here with me and have a new life… would you like to welcome it with a new name?” He asked suddenly. “You can pick one if you’d like.”</p><p>“I… I’d rather you pick my new name, for my new life.” He said honestly, gazing up into his beautiful eyes. “Young Master.” He added a little shyly at the last second, not wanting to offend him. </p><p>Yuu smiled, seeming pleased at that. “I can pick? Then…” He seemed to consider it, making Takanori blush more as he looked him up and down. “A name like Ruki would suit you, I think.” He decided after a little while.</p><p>“Ru-ki…?” He repeated after Yuu, testing the name out on his tongue. Even though he wasn’t entirely certain he grasped this whole situation, it still felt right. “Yes, I like it.” He decided, smiling up at Yuu.</p><p>Yuu smiled softly, a certain gentleness reaching his eyes. “We’ll be happy here, Ruki. I promise.”</p><p>This was the moment when the boy, now named Ruki, was quite certain that he had fallen in love.</p><p> </p><p>~</p><p> </p><p>On Kouyou’s second full day at Shiroyama Manor, he became determined to ask his tutor the questions that had been burning inside of him ever since his arrival. Naturally, he had to wait until after breakfast, when Yuu would return to his work and leave Kouyou alone with the staff. He had hoped to start asking his questions immediately, but Reita had to clean up the breakfast table, and once they met in the library soon after, he got straight into the lessons.</p><p>Kouyou, feeling too shy to interrupt, followed his lead and only managed to speak up when they took their first break before lunchtime. Ruki was with them once again at this point, keeping himself busy with some mending on the same loveseat as the day before, while Reita put away his textbook and stood up from his chair. Still seated at his desk, Kouyou clenched his fists until his nails bit into the palm of his hands, giving the encouragement he needed to speak up finally.</p><p>“Reita? I was wondering if I could ask you something?” </p><p>Both men gazed up at Kouyou with an unreadable expression. That is until Reita smiled. “Yes, of course, Master Takashima. What is it?”</p><p>“Ahh, well, this is unrelated, but could you maybe call me Kouyou? Having a title is strange, I haven’t done anything to deserve it…” He began.</p><p>“Certainly, whatever you prefer, Ma-… Kouyou.” Reita corrected himself with a friendly smile.</p><p>Reita was far more approachable than Ruki, who sat in silence, staring at him from afar. So, the teenager focused on speaking to him for now. “I was wondering… Where is everyone? I’ve looked, but I hadn’t seen a single person who worked here when I visited as a kid, and I was wondering if you started working here after that? I’m sorry if I maybe didn’t recognize you, but I don’t remember you or Ruki or Kai working here when I was young…”</p><p>Reita shot a look at Ruki, which Kouyou didn’t quite understand, before looking back at him with a renewed smile. “Don’t worry; we take no offence. You remember correctly; we did start working here after your family left here for good.” He explained carefully. “As for the staff you grew up around, they were relieved of their duties once the estate passed over to Master Yuu. He felt there was no need for such a large staff.”</p><p>“After… after my uncle’s death? Was it just the four of you in this huge house? But aren’t you all around Yuu’s age?” He asked in surprise.</p><p>“Yes, more or less. Yuu held onto the driver, the chef, and the tutor for a few years longer, but then he relieved them of their posts once we were able to fill those roles.” Reita explained calmly.</p><p>Kouyou nodded a little, processing this information. Still, there was something strange about all of this, and he couldn’t quite put his finger on it. “Yuu mentioned that uncle found you three as company… what did he mean? Were you hired as companions? Is that why you’re all so young?”</p><p>“Yes, we were hired as companions to care for Master Yuu and his home.” Reita nodded.</p><p>“But why-” Kouyou had no chance of finishing his next question because behind him, he heard Ruki suddenly stand up and dropping his needlework on the old hardwood floor. Kouyou turned around to look and was surprised to see how angry he seemed to be. Before he could ask what was wrong, the servant snapped at him.</p><p>“Yes, alright-?! We were hired to keep Master Yuu company. Do you know why? Because after discovering that Master Shiroyama could very well be dying, your family left him. Abandoned him.” Ruki spat out, his words laced with venom and hatred as he approached Kouyou.</p><p>“Ruki, calm down,” Reita tried to soothe him, stepping forward and planting himself in front of Kouyou, as if worried that Ruki might hit the kid. “He didn’t know.”</p><p>“I really didn’t.” Kouyou nodded, insisting to the other as his eyes lined with tears at his harsh words.</p><p>“You didn’t know that Master Yuu was orphaned and then abandoned by his own family because you never bothered to find out. You never bothered to reach out! You, like your family, left him alone here. We were the only ones by his side, who saw his loneliness-! While you lived your blissful nuclear family life!” Ruki’s voice raised at his accusations, showing just how angry he was at Kouyou on behalf of his employer.</p><p>“I… I wrote him letters-” Kouyou insisted softly, the tears now rolling down his cheeks.</p><p>“And then what happened? Suddenly, when <em>you</em> need something, you come back into his life and only because <em>you</em> need something from him. I hope you know how selfish you come off to the rest of us, <em>Master Takashima</em>.” Ruki said the last two words with such sarcasm and spite that it felt the same as a slap to the face.</p><p>All Kouyou could do was cry. Because those words felt so painfully true. Those words were what he had been telling himself since he had first arrived. And now, to hear them from someone else, they hurt even more…</p><p>“Ruki, that’s enough.” Reita frowned at him.</p><p>“No, I’m not done-” Ruki insisted once again, before all three men’s attention turned to the library doors, which apparently had been open this whole time.</p><p>“Did I ask you to defend me?” There stood Yuu, his arms crossed and expression severe as he gazed at Ruki in reproach. </p><p>“M-Master Yuu!” Ruki stepped away from Kouyou and bowed, along with Reita, to their employer. </p><p>Yuu’s hard stare remained on Ruki. “Well? Did I ask you to do any of this?”</p><p>“N-no, Master Yuu, I’m sorry, I acted foolishly…” Ruki trembled softly, feeling both embarrassed and ashamed at being caught.</p><p>“You did.” Yuu agreed, slowly walking over to the three of them and gently placing his hands on Kouyou’s shoulders, who was still crying. “There’s no need to cry; none of this is your fault.” He assured him gently, his expression and tone softening as soon as he spoke to him. </p><p>“…I… I swear I wrote to you,” Kouyou insisted through his crying, hiccupping, and sniffling like a small child.</p><p>“I know you did, Kouyou. Come on. I think you deserve a break, let’s go help you calm down.” Yuu said softly, starting to lead him out of the library. “Ruki, one more thing.” He called out suddenly, waving him over once they had reached the doorway.</p><p>Surprised, Ruki rushed to Yuu’s side, inclining his head to listen to the man as he murmured in his ear, words meant only for him. “If you ever make him cry again, I’ll make sure you regret it.” Then, the two were gone.</p><p>Ruki remained where he was, his shoulders shaking and face red from shame. He had acted on impulse, and now Master Yuu probably hated him. He was so beyond humiliated and hurt… He lowered his head once again, letting the hot tears fall down his face, splattering onto the floor.</p><p>“Ruki…” The voice behind him approached, Reita reaching out to softly touch his shoulder.</p><p>“Don’t.” He said softly, shrugging away from his touch, before suddenly running out of the library, letting the tears fall freely as he left Reita behind.</p><p> </p><p>~</p><p> </p><p>Yuu brought Kouyou upstairs to his office, where he sat him down in one of the leather chairs and tried to help him dry his tears. But it seemed that Ruki had opened the floodgates since they were practically endless.</p><p>“I really didn’t mean to… I’m so sorry, Yuu.” He hiccupped and sniffled, trying to speak through the tears.</p><p>“What are you apologizing for? You’ve done nothing wrong.” Yuu reassured him gently.</p><p>“But… I didn’t mean to abandon you. My family might have, but I never meant to… I tried to reach out, I wrote you letters, but you never answered, so I gave up…” He insisted, needing Yuu to know that he had never meant to leave him alone.</p><p>“I know you did, Kouyou.” Yuu smiled softly, something that confused the other a little. He turned, opening the bottom drawer of his desk, and pulling out some yellowed envelopes. He turned back to Kouyou, showing him the slips of wrinkled paper, their folds and colour showing their age. “And they were my little treasures for these past five years.”</p><p>Kouyou stopped his crying, gazing curiously at the letters before recognized the childish handwriting. “My… my letters? You kept them?” He asked in surprise, wiping the tears away as he gazed at them in shock. Still, the news couldn’t help but warm his heart a little. “I had always thought you never received them… because I never got an answer, so I just stopped writing.”</p><p>Yuu smiled sadly. “I wrote you so many letters… but you never answered mine. Once you stopped writing altogether, I figured either your parents made you stop, or they had simply been intercepting my letters and had never given them to you in the first place.”</p><p>Kouyou thought about all of this. Even though it seemed strange that his parents would do something this cruel, preventing them from staying in contact, it was the only explanation that made sense. Especially now that he knew that Yuu had not only received his letters, but answered them, and held onto them for all these years…</p><p>He gazed up at his cousin, saddened by the realization that they had been so forcibly torn apart. But that is what prompted him to finally ask the question that he had been burning inside of him. “Yuu… Do you know why we stopped visiting? Do you know what happened between our parents?” He asked carefully after a pause, knowing this was a sensitive subject.</p><p>Yuu smiled small, but it was easy to tell it wasn’t genuine. Not when his eyes held a visible sadness. “I’d rather not discuss those things, not when you’ve finally returned to me.”</p><p>“Please, Yuu…” He reached out to him, fingertips softly touching the hand that clutched the letters. “I need to know what made my parents do these terrible things.”</p><p>Yuu met his pleading gaze, before sighing softly. “All I know is our parents got in a fight, and as a result, your parents cut all ties with us. I’m sorry, Kouyou, that’s all I know.”</p><p>“Uncle didn’t-”</p><p>“No, father refused to talk about it with me,” Yuu said softly, interrupting him. “But just because our parents didn’t get along near the end, doesn’t mean we cannot, right?” He smiled small.</p><p>“…You’re right. I’m sorry for pushing the issue… I just want to understand what my parents were thinking.” Kouyou apologized.</p><p>“It’s alright. I completely understand how you feel. Our parents were stubborn and chose to keep us in the dark, but that’s not our fault. And it shouldn’t be our burden to bear. Right?” </p><p>“You’re right.” Kouyou smiled and nodded.</p><p>“Here, this might help.” Yuu reached into a crystal candy jar, pulling out one and offering him the little hard candy. Just like the ones he used to steal when they were little.</p><p>“Thank you.” Kouyou’s smile grew at the memory, his cheeks turning pink as he accepted the candy. He unwrapped it and popped it into his mouth, sucking it lightly and smiling at the familiar and sweet taste. </p><p>Everything would be alright; he was sure of it. And the way Yuu smiled at him now with the tenderest gaze only reinforced that thought.</p><p> </p><p>~</p><p> </p><p>Ruki had avoided most of the household for the rest of the day. Neither Reita nor Yuu made any mention of it as the former took over the other’s tasks for the day. He knew the younger man was upset and even humiliated, probably. He had warned him not to act rashly, but in typical Ruki fashion, he had let his passions overtake him and had unleashed his fury on the poor unsuspecting Kouyou. Reita could have very easily given him a fat ‘I told you so,’ but nothing was satisfying about that. There was no reason for him to add insult to injury. Besides, it’s not like he could when he had presumably locked himself away in his bedroom.</p><p>Still, he felt bad for the two of them. Kouyou seemed more a victim of circumstance and Ruki a victim of jealousy. And possibly now a broken heart, which was why he was not entirely surprised when he heard a timid knock on his bedroom door, hours after the household had gone to sleep, and Yuu had crept into Kouyou’s room.</p><p>A little sleepy and barely dressed, Reita opened the door and was greeted by Ruki, his eyes still puffy from crying. He bit his full bottom lip, his small body fidgeting in place. </p><p>“Ru-?”</p><p>“Hurt me,” He spoke softly, gazing up at him with pleading eyes. “Please, Reita… I need you to hurt me.”</p>
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<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Kai had knocked on his door once evening came. "Ruki? Will you be caring for Master Yuu this evening, or will I have to?" His question should have been innocent, but it felt more like a threat. Especially since Ruki had not come out of his bedroom since the incident that afternoon.</p><p>"I… I'll be right there." He offered rather softly through the door. Not that he had much choice.</p><p>"Excellent. The Master's bath is ready." Kai said in a monotone voice, before leaving without another word.</p><p>Ruki sighed quietly, wiping his strained eyes. He supposed he couldn't avoid Yuu forever, even though the few hours of respite still did not feel like enough. Sitting up in bed, he gazed at himself in the standing mirror. He worked on fixing the rumpled collar of his uniform and his messy hair, which stood on one side of his face from his pillows crushing the rest. Patting his face to bring colour back to his pallid cheeks, he stood up and made his way out of his room at the back end of the house and down the main hallway.</p><p>Reita had been right. He hadn't been careful, and now he was in danger of Yuu hating him. He knew how much Kouyou meant to the other, and yet he had let himself run his mouth- and get caught. He felt so stupid. Despite his own trembling legs as he approached the master bedroom, he knew this was probably the best thing to do; speak to Yuu and make things right. If he waited too long, the feelings of an ill will might fester and worsen their relationship.</p><p>Pausing in front of the door, he took a deep breath to give himself courage and then knocked softly. "Master Yuu? It's Ruki."</p><p>"Come in." Came the response. His voice held no hint of emotion, and that worried Ruki even more.</p><p>Ruki stepped inside and made his way to the en-suite bathroom, where he found a hot bath waiting and Master Yuu in the slow process of undressing for it.</p><p>"Let me help," He stepped forward, delicately helping the man finish removing his final layer of clothing. Although he appeared healthy to most onlookers, a look under his clothing showed his otherwise hidden body, which was surprisingly pale and thin. His collarbones and hips jutted out sharply. The sharp muscles of his torso and arms showed barely any hint of fat, giving them a serrated and wiry edge. He was almost more bone than flesh.</p><p>Naturally, Ruki could not help but worry about this. He could see that Yuu ate well since he was the one who served him his meals three times a day, along with tea and snack breaks scattered throughout. Of course, he knew the actual reason for his Master's physical appearance, so he did not press the issue despite his worries. This is why, despite Yuu's strong personality and muscles, he always offered his hand as the man stepped into the porcelain tub. As usual, Yuu accepted his aid, squeezing his hand as he got settled before finally letting go. </p><p>"I apologize for making you wait," Ruki said. He sat on his usual wooden stool by the tub, getting the hand towels and fine smelling soaps ready before leaning over to begin washing Yuu's back.</p><p>"It's alright. You needed time to calm down." Yuu said coolly.</p><p>Ruki swallowed a little, trying to focus on his work. "I also want to apologize… for speaking in the way that I did to Young Master Takashima. It was inappropriate of me."</p><p>Yuu's gaze flickered behind to Ruki, seeming to evaluate both his words and expression. "I appreciate the apology, however… I believe it would be best given to Kouyou, whom you hurt."</p><p>Ruki met his gaze, but only for a moment, before lowering it in shame. "Yes, you are right. And I promise I will apologize to him tomorrow."</p><p>"Good." He nodded simply.</p><p>"…But" Ruki hazarded to continue. "Please, Master Yuu, I know that I made a terrible mistake, and I regret it, but please… please know that I only did so because I wanted to protect your happiness. I know I was in the wrong, but… I mean it when I say that I worry about you and want you to be happy."</p><p>He seemed to consider this a moment, and only once their eyes met again did he speak. "I appreciate your avid concern; however, you should know that it would make me happiest if you two would get along."</p><p>"Yes, you're absolutely right… I should have known that is what you would want." He nodded. </p><p>Yuu nodded as well, seeming to believe that this was the end of the conversation. To make that point clear, he closed his eyes and leaned back against the cool porcelain as Ruki moved forward to instead wash the front of his body. </p><p>Ruki worked diligently and in silence for a while, keeping his scrubbing gentle, as the warm cloth slid down Aoi's relaxed torso and toward his thighs.</p><p>"I do really care about you…" The soft words fell from his lips, seemingly on their own, just as the cloth slipped from his hand and floated to the water's surface. Instead, his fingertips softly curled around a thigh still plunged under the water.</p><p>Yuu's eyes opened slowly, and their gaze met. Ruki dared to maintain eye contact. He let out a soft breath, his fingers slowly raising, and reaching just between those familiar thighs. For a moment, he believed it would continue, and that things would return to how they once were-</p><p>That is, until Yuu abruptly stood up in the bath, freeing himself of Ruki's affectionate touch. "That will be all for tonight," He said, reaching for a towel and leaving him alone in the bathroom.</p><p>Ruki remained motionless on his stool as if frozen in place by Yuu's words. He heard the man in the other room displace a few things as he dried himself off and dressed in his sleepwear. Then, he heard the bedroom door open and close behind him, the two of them knowing full well where it was that he was going- to Kouyou's bedroom…</p><p>Finally, once he was gone for good, Ruki's old tears returned and quickly streaked down his face. He cried softly, making very little noise despite the certainty he held that he could hear his own heart shattering. Once again, twice on the same day, in fact, he had made a damn fool of himself… </p><p>Eventually, as the house grew quiet and dark, he pulled himself off that damn stool and left the master bedroom. His feet moved on their own, and soon, he was at the other end of the house, knocking on Reita's door.</p><p> </p><p>~</p><p> </p><p>"Hurt me," had been what Ruki had said to him. As usual, with any and all requests from this man, Reita had obliged. Whatever Ruki wanted, Reita would give to him. Especially when he asked with such sad and swollen eyes. Letting him know that he needed a new kind of pain, one that would distract him from the other.</p><p>This wasn't the first time that Ruki had sought out Reita for this kind of aid. In fact, it was Reita who had been the first to offer it a little over a year ago. It had been no secret or surprise to him that Yuu and Ruki had been involved with each other in some sort of way. It made sense, he supposed since Ruki had been the first one brought to the manor. He had also been immediately appointed as Yuu's personal footman, who would have far more time alone with the Master… However, he had also noticed when things had seemed to turn sour. He wasn't certain what had happened or if anything had changed, and he never asked Ruki, since he felt like the man would just clam up. So, instead of asking questions, he offered the other a solution.</p><p>Temporary, possibly, but he told himself he wouldn't mind. He didn't mind being used for sexual relief, as long as Ruki came to <em>him</em>. Him and no one else. This was his selfish way of having something that did not belong to him… Because he knew that Ruki didn't love him. Didn't consider him in any capacity other than perhaps something purely sexual, devoid of meaning or emotion. And yet he kept telling himself that he was okay with it. That it was what he wanted, even though it was quite far from the entire truth…</p><p>Still, he had offered, while they were alone in the kitchens one day, with a few soft words and fleeting kisses. And Ruki had accepted because he didn't want to feel lonely anymore. And he did want to get off. It was as simple as that.</p><p>Which is how they had found themselves in this way, like they had many times before, entangled and panting in the darkness of Reita's room. Red rope rubbed harshly against Ruki's skin, laced and tied in intricate patterns. It cut and formed sections of his body, denoting the separation of his 'wings'- his ribs and shoulder blades- following the line of his sternum and spine. Stopping just above his stomach, the rope circled his waist and snaked up his wrists and forearms, binding them behind his back along the red line traced up his spine. </p><p>Reita stood behind him, holding his bound wrists to help keep him up and, in part, to keep him bent down. Even though nothing more than the moon offered them any kind of light in the dark bedroom, it was enough to see his trembling figure and his head lolling forward, unable to keep itself up. Reita thought he looked perfect like this, wound tight in the chord he had tied and bent over, his small feet sliding and fumbling forward, having trouble holding himself up from the force of his thrusts.</p><p>This sort of thing left Ruki with very few words or thoughts- other than perhaps the delicious burn of the rope, the rough collide of Reita's hips with his rear, and the agonizing way his erection hung between his legs, suffering beautifully from the lack of touch. He tried to say something, anything, but his sounds were reduced to unintelligible moans, often cut off by a new wave of sensations. All he could do was close his eyes and only feel- feel the rough hands on him, the cock driving into him from behind and-</p><p>"Yuu-!" Were the unfortunate words that finally dripped off his tongue, desperate and honey-sweet. Too enraptured was he with the pain that gave him pleasure that his mistake didn't even register as that, a mistake.  </p><p>Reita, who had criticized Ruki on several occasions about his plague of jealousy, was, ironically or not, the victim of the same disease. While the burning he had felt up until this very moment had been purely lustful and erotic, it now morphed into something far uglier- Envy. Jealousy. Anger. A dangerous foe, one difficult to defeat. While his mind had been previously focused on giving Ruki what he wanted, he suddenly realized with bitterness that he couldn't provide him with <em>everything</em>. Because it was impossible- impossible to become what Ruki wanted. And that was Yuu.</p><p>He wasn't Yuu. But he was here like he had always been.</p><p>Ruki had asked him to hurt him. <em>Fine</em>, he thought bitterly. He did as he asked and reached forward, a large, strong hand curling around the other's throat. He squeezed, like the rope did everywhere else, and listened as Ruki's breath was cut short. </p><p>"Reita," He said as he continued to fuck and choke him. "It's Reita who's going to make you cum." He hissed.</p><p>Ruki trembled, his swollen lips open in an 'o' shape as he tried his best to stay standing and not fall over. It was hard to understand what was being said to him when the lack of air blocked his ears and brought a warm, slithering feeling down his spine. And, whether or not he knew it, just as he had been promised, Reita brought him to his orgasm, his cum splattering onto the wooden floorboards beneath him. </p><p>Only then did Reita let go of his throat, allowing him to take in a large gulp of air. "Rei-!" He moaned out hoarsely, trembling from the pleasure as he squeezed the cock inside of him tightly.</p><p>There. There it was. The acknowledgement, the desire… it was all in his voice, in his body. Gifted with that, the flames of jealousy cooled themselves. With the added satisfaction of both the emotional and physical fulfilment, Reita came with a grunt. </p><p>While Ruki was still panting and moaning, trying to regulate his breathing, Reita reached over once again and wrenched his head back. He rendered him breathless once again, but this time only with a passionate kiss.</p><p>As the two kissed, their bodies still moulded together, Reita wondered to himself for possibly the thousandth time, what it would be like to make love to Ruki.</p><p>To be loved by Ruki.</p><p>To be loved at all.</p><p> </p><p>~</p><p> </p><p>Yuu had slipped into Kouyou's room right around the time he usually did. It was turning into a routine for them, Yuu lying by his side and settling under the sheets as Kouyou pressed close, their soft breaths the only thing heard in the dim room. This now-familiar comfort was something that could bring Kouyou to a peaceful sleep. However, tonight he wasn't thinking about sleeping.</p><p>"Yuu?" He murmured, seeing if the other was awake.</p><p>"Mhh?" Was the soft answer.</p><p>"Will Ruki be alright? He seemed… quite upset in general. And I didn't see him at dinner." Kouyou turned around to face Yuu, trying to see the outline of his face in the darkness.</p><p>"There's no need to worry. He overreacted and is now apologetic for his cruel treatment of you. He just needed time to cool down, but he should be fine now." He assured him, reaching out to softly caress his hair.</p><p>Almost on instinct, Kouyou nuzzled into his touch, which Yuu seemed pleased by. "That's good to hear… I should probably be upset or angry at him for what he said, but… I've been thinking about it, and it seems like he just really worries about you." He said, pausing a moment before continuing. "After thinking about it quite a lot, it seems like he was just worried that I was trying to take advantage of you or something."</p><p>"That's ridiculous," Yuu said a little dismissively. "What he said was inexcusable, and you have every right to feel upset."</p><p>But Kouyou shook his head, insistent. "I can't blame him. He doesn't know me or what I'm like and… he and the rest of your staff seem to really care about you. So, I can't fault him too much for that, even if what he said was upsetting."</p><p>Although it was hard to tell, Kouyou was quite certain he saw a smile draw itself on Yuu's face. "You are too sweet, Kouyou. And forgiving. If I were you, I'd still be sulking about the whole thing."</p><p>That made Kouyou giggle. He was clearly far more relaxed than he had been in the afternoon after the library incident. "Well, all I know is that if he were to apologize to me, I would accept it. But it's also fine if he doesn't… I just hope things aren't awkward between us any longer."</p><p>Yuu smiled at that. "I do really hope that you can get along and may even become friends with everyone here… although they aren't family, they are still members of this household, and I'd like it if you had friends here, especially since I can't be around all the time."</p><p>"I hope we can be friends too." Kouyou agreed, thinking it might be most comfortable if he started with Reita. He seemed the easiest to approach, and he was almost always by his side, anyway. And he'd feel far more comfortable seeing them as friends rather than servants or staff, especially since they were all so close in age… "But, at the very least… the two of us are family." He reminded him.</p><p>"That's right… we are family. Which means we'll always have each other." Yuu said softly, suddenly pressing a soft kiss onto his cousin's forehead.</p><p>Kouyou felt his face warm in embarrassment at the sudden and new affection but didn't dare pull away from him. "You're right." He agreed sheepishly.</p><p>Before he got any more daring, Yuu simply reached out and held him against his chest, returning them to a familiar form of affection. "Let's get some sleep."</p><p>He nodded, nuzzling against Yuu's chest, and letting his eyes fall close. "Goodnight, Yuu."</p><p>"Goodnight, Kouyou."</p><p> </p><p>  </p>
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<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter 5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I apologize for the long wait, friends. My summer semester got rather intense.<br/>As for this project, from now on I will only be posting once a month, preferably on the 25th of the month. I can foresee my coming semester to be busy, so I want to promise a more realistic schedule for you all.<br/>I hope you enjoy it and stay safe!<br/>-Honey xx</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>When the weekend arrived, Yuu insisted that Kouyou take the two days off. "Reita has told me how diligently you've been studying. I think you've earned the break." He had told him over breakfast, smiling as he spread jam over his toast.</p><p>Kouyou had protested at first since studying was practically his only hobby in this house. It was the only thing he could focus on, where thoughts of his family did not dare disturb him in the library's sanctity. On most days, anyway. Others, he wasn't so lucky. </p><p>Still, studying was how he spent his days. He wanted to insist to Yuu that he didn't mind working on weekends, but when he saw Yuu's stubborn kindness and Reita's encouraging smile from behind him, he relented. Yuu wouldn't hear of it, and he supposed Reita probably wanted a break from tutoring. He was busy enough as it was. So, he agreed and gave in to Yuu's next suggestion. </p><p>"Maybe you could tour the library again. For pleasure this time, not for work." He insisted with a soft chuckle. "Pick out a volume. I know when we were kids, it was your favourite room in the house, but you probably haven't taken the time to really enjoy it. I'll meet you there later, I've got some work to do this morning."</p><p>After breakfast, he had ventured back to the library. Still, he avoided his student desk and textbooks as Yuu had instructed, instead slowly walking from the back of the room to the front, eyes locked on the floor-to-ceiling bookshelves. His fingers danced over numerous bound spines, collecting dust and the scent of aged pages on their way by. There was every kind of book, paperback, hardcover, new, used, antique, never read, and read so many times the spine was nearly split in two. Yuu had been right. This had always been his favourite room- a safe haven of books- the endless spinning of tales, some older than time itself.</p><p>Kouyou took his time, not rushing his choice. He really had all day… finally, after some time, he pulled out the thick leather-bound book just below a top-shelf- <em>The Count of Monte Cristo</em> by Alexandre Dumas. It was one of those books that he had always meant to read but had never gotten around to it. For no reason in particular, these things just sort of happened, he supposed. But now, alone in this Manor, he felt he had time for a 1,200-page novel. </p><p>His book was chosen. He settled into the cushioned window seat next to the French doors that led onto the wrap-around veranda and the gardens below that. Soaking up the early summer sun that pooled over his little nook, he tucked his knees against his chest as he cracked open the novel and immersed himself into Dumas's world.</p><p> </p><p>~</p><p> </p><p>"…Amazing what a man will do in the name of revenge, isn't it?"</p><p>Kouyou was startled out of his reading. Time had passed unnoticed, it seemed, considering he had remained in the same spot, the sun growing warmer and his fingers turning pages. He was around page 120 when he gazed up from his book in surprise to see Yuu standing by him, glancing curiously at what he had been reading. </p><p>Kouyou found himself blushing inexplicably, caught off guard by Yuu's quiet and sudden appearance. "I guess so…" He answered vaguely, closing his book and setting it aside on a nearby window seat's cushion.</p><p>"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to startle you." </p><p>"Did I keep you waiting?" Kouyou asked, suddenly wondering how long ago the man had slipped into the library without him noticing.</p><p>"Not really," Yuu smiled mysteriously as if he had some sort of secret all to himself. "I finished my work for the day, and I wanted to come to see you. But it was difficult to bring myself to interrupt… you seemed really engrossed in your book."</p><p>"I've meant to read it for a while," He nodded, sliding his legs off the window seat, feeling a strange mix of unease and warmth. He wanted to be closer to Yuu but didn't dare to approach on his own. Which was strange, given their little night routine…</p><p>Before he could further curse his shyness, however, Yuu asked him, "Would you like to go for a walk in the vineyard with me?"</p><p>A smile managed to break out over his face, and he nodded. "Yes, I would like that."</p><p>Yuu smiled and offered him his hand, helping him stand up from his seat. It was something Kouyou hadn't thought that he needed until he stood and found himself gripping his hand tightly at just how stiff his legs felt. He supposed, he hadn't moved an inch for the past few hours… had it been hours?</p><p>"I've got you," Yuu smiled, pulling him once again out of his reverie and making him blush. Damn, it seemed that his cousin was very good at that…</p><p>His <em>cousin</em>, he tried to emphasize, reminding himself quietly. They were family, not… whatever he thought this was, of which he couldn't be sure of the exact name. Was there one for how Yuu made him feel? He was too afraid to find out what it was, frankly.</p><p>"Thank you." He remembered to say a little too late since they were already making their way down the veranda and through the flower gardens. He tried to calm his mind by gazing thoughtfully at the stone path beneath his feet and the rosebushes next to him. But really, it was hard to focus on anything other than the hand on the small of his back. </p><p>"Have you walked through here yet?" Yuu asked curiously as they approached the vineyard.</p><p>"I haven't, actually." Kouyou lifted his head to meet his gaze. "Not since I was last here when I was 12."</p><p>"It's been 5 years since then." The older man nodded in thought. "Some things have changed. I thought you might like to learn a bit about the family business." He offered a smile.</p><p>He nodded, returning his smile. "I don't know much about it, honestly." He admitted. </p><p>"Well, it all begins here," Yuu motioned above their heads, where colourful fruit hung heavily from their branches, green and black netting surrounding them. "These grapes are planted and pruned and cared for year-round. They're then harvested in the summer and brought to the winery to be pressed and processed into wine." He directed Kouyou's attention to the barn-shaped stone building beyond the vineyard. "The trucks you see there are filled with wine, then they're transported off-site to be bottled and sold."</p><p>Kouyou nodded, gaze slipping away from the winery and back to his cousin. It lingered for a moment before it reached back upwards to the grapes and their tulle. "What are the nets for?" He asked.</p><p>"To protect them from hungry birds." Yuu smiled. "They attract animals and other dangers when they're this colourful and ripe, so they're wrapped in tulle to keep them safe."</p><p>He nodded in understanding, squinting a little to better observe the fruit that was the backbone of the Shiroyama family and the countless people of the village below their Manor. "Are they rotten?" He asked suddenly, noticing the strange bubbles of flesh and colouring.</p><p>"No, not quite," Yuu assured him with a soft laugh as they walked together amongst the thick and leafy grape trees. "This section has our Prädikatsweingrapes; it's a German technique. You let the grapes hold onto the vine as long as possible before harvesting them. The result is an excellent and sweet wine."</p><p>"Oh," Kouyou said in genuine interest. He had never learnt anything like this in school. "I don't think I've ever tried our family's wine." He realized suddenly. He had no frame of reference for what was good or bad, sweet, or dry wine.  </p><p>"Well… I would be a little shocked if you had." He laughed softly once again, clearly referring to his age. "But I suppose I could let you try some. It would only be right if you actually know something about what we make here, including the taste."</p><p>"Would that be alright?" He asked in an uncertain tone since they both knew he was underage.</p><p>"Only a taste." Yuu smiled that same mysterious smile as before, bringing his finger to his own lips as if shushing any further protests. "It'll be our secret." He promised.</p><p>Something about how he had worded it, or perhaps it was his smile, had him blushing deeply and gazing down at the rocks beneath them. Yuu was so strange… everything about him made him feel strangely warm. "Our secret." He agreed shyly, glancing back up at him.</p><p>He was still smiling and seemed as though he was about to say something when a splash of water landed on the bridge of his nose. They both looked up at the sky, surprised to see that clouds had formed during their walk. Before either could form a word of caution, more water dripped down from the grape bunches, until it was raining—a sudden summer downpour. </p><p>"Quickly!" Yuu removed his cardigan and placed it on Kouyou's head to keep him dry. He took his hand into his, before the two took off running, trying to escape the storm. </p><p>Too late. They were running through the rain, panting, and laughing at the spontaneity of Mother Nature. Kouyou looked at his cousin, and the older man looked back at him, the two laughing harder with what felt like childish mirth. It was like they were children again, running through the vineyard, their shoes kicking up stones and getting slick in the mud. The feeling was almost magical. </p><p>Kouyou almost slipped once or twice, but Yuu held his hand tightly, guiding him through the maze-like vineyard and gardens until finally, they found safety under the veranda's roof. They were drenched to the bone and out of breath, but they were still laughing, the magical spell of the moment taking its time to fade.</p><p>Kouyou gazed up at his cousin, smiling and catching his breath, feeling his hand still in his. Their eyes met, and Yuu stepped closer. The sudden weight of the moment caught Kouyou by surprise, and he froze, feeling the sudden shift in the air. Yuu took another step closer, his gaze locked on his. Kouyou swallowed, a blush dusting his cheeks. Was this…?</p><p>"We should get changed," Yuu said suddenly, stepping away from him, finally letting go of his hand. "Lunch should be ready by now."</p><p>"Yeah…" Kouyou nodded, his heart knocking against his chest as he followed the other man up the veranda and back inside. It left him questioning if that moment had been real or if he had just misunderstood. But part of him felt certain, felt sure, that Yuu had meant to kiss him. Really kiss him. What Kouyou wasn't sure of, however, was how he would react if he had.</p><p>All of this lingered in his mind, occupying him wholly. Which might have been why he did not notice the curtains of a nearby window flick close. He did not notice that they were under the watchful eyes of the Manor and its occupants.</p><p> </p><p>~</p><p> </p><p>Ruki had spent the past few days trying his best to better things with Master Yuu. To do this, he had followed the master's request, apologizing directly to Kouyou. He had tried his best to be contrite and sincere, remarking that what he had done and said had been inappropriate and undeserved. What had shocked him was how easily the boy had forgiven him. </p><p>"It's alright… I know you care about Yuu. And please know, I do too." He had smiled gently.</p><p>It had been so easy, and his response had been so understanding that it had almost pissed Ruki off. What kind of love rival was he, accepting his apology so readily and kindly? Now that he thought about it did Kouyou even see himself as one? Did he have any feelings for Master Yuu at all…?</p><p>Despite his own stubbornness, Ruki tried his best not to focus on those worries and instead simply cultivate a friendly… acquaintanceship with the young master. It was the best he could do for now.</p><p>Days past like this, him and Reita tutoring Kouyou and just offering him company, trying their best to keep a friendly rapport with the student. Naturally, Reita had an easier time of it, given his relaxed nature, but Ruki still tried. For Yuu's sake.</p><p>And it was also for Yuu's sake that he stayed behind on Saturday when the master took Kouyou out for a walk through the vineyard. Still, it did not prevent him from acting selfishly- in this case, by watching them leave and then return from a window in one of the tearooms. They had gone with the sun shining, and Yuu's hand on Kouyou and they returned under a downpour, Kouyou's hand in Yuu's. They were laughing and smiling, gazing at each other with what appeared to be affection as they ducked under the roof for safety, the pair unknowingly only a few meters away from Ruki's window.</p><p>Ruki's dark gaze watched as the two looked happy and playful, fingers clutching on tight to the curtain in front of him. It was almost like they were in love… When they turned to go, Ruki closed the curtains quickly and pressed himself against the wall, arms hugging himself. Biting his bottom lip, he closed his eyes, fighting back new tears. It was all he could do as he let himself sink down onto the floor and into memories not so far away and yet so far out of his reach…</p><p> </p><p>~</p><p> </p><p>It had begun three years ago, when Ruki was 16 and Yuu was 17. It had seemed like any other day, with just the four of them in the large mansion. However, the three staff members had hardly seen Master Yuu throughout most of the day. He did not come downstairs for dinner, so, in concern, Kai sent Ruki up to fetch him.</p><p>Ruki had knocked on the man's bedroom door, announcing dinner to be ready, but received no answer. </p><p>He knocked louder but was greeted with the same silence. His concern increasing, he announced, "Master Yuu, I am entering your room."</p><p>Much to his relief, all he saw was his master sitting on his bed, safe and sound when he entered. He closed the door behind himself. "Master Yuu, dinner-." He stopped as the older man glanced up at him, tears lining his eyes. Ruki quickly rushed to his side and fell on his knees before him. "Master Yuu, are you in pain? Should I call Dr. Nakamura?" </p><p>Yuu shook his head, bitterly wiping the tears from his eyes. "I am not ill, Ruki, I am simply… very lonely." He spoke softly, his voice cracking at the final word.</p><p>Ruki's heart sank at his admission. He had never heard him so pained, never seen him in such a state, not even at Master Shiroyama's funeral. On that day, he had stood, eyes free of emotion, a stoic expression on his face as though it wasn't his own father, his own flesh and blood, that he watched being lowered into the earth. And yet here he sat now, the fearless and strong Master Yuu, crying with a child's vulnerability.</p><p>Knowing full well it was considered inappropriate and against the rigorous etiquette training he had received when he first arrived at the Manor, the smaller youth reached for his master's hand, holding it gently in a desperate attempt to comfort him. </p><p>Yuu gazed at him, surprised. </p><p>Ruki held his gaze despite his fear of the possible consequences of his bold act. He didn't want the man he loved to be sad and suffer on his own…</p><p>Yuu suddenly bent down, leaving a soft kiss on his lips. Ruki's eyes widened, and a gentle blush warmed his cheeks. This was not the consequence he had envisioned. </p><p>His employer slowly pulled away, lips travelling to his ear. "Will you help me get rid of my loneliness?"</p><p>Ruki blushed even more at his question. "Yes," He answered without hesitation. "I would do anything for you, Master Yuu. So please, tell me what to do… and I will do it."</p><p>He smiled softly at his immediate and genuine response. "Then," He looked over his blushing face, reaching out to caress a pink cheek. "Let me make love to you."</p><p>Ruki nodded, shyly giving his assent. To think, Yuu had said the beautiful words he had only dreamed of hearing until now…</p><p>Yuu reached out and helped his servant to his feet and then laying him down on the bed. He pressed himself against the smaller man, hands trapping his wrists as his face lingered near his, pondering over his features. Ruki's blush deepened in hue and spread to the tips of his ears as his master's lovely face was so close, his dark eyes brushing over him. Then, rather abruptly, Yuu kissed him. A fervent kiss, one filled with need and desire. He kissed him harshly, tongue invading his mouth, tasting all of him. </p><p>Yuu eventually released his small hands from his tight grip, hastily unbuttoning the man's uniform and throwing the layers of clothing over the bed. Soon, Ruki found himself lying naked underneath his master, cheeks blazing brightly as he returned his passionate kisses, Yuu busying himself with the shedding of his own clothes. He pulled away from the kiss to slip off his shirt, causing his servant to admire his beauty. He had seen him naked before, but never in such an intimate context. </p><p>Now they were both bare, and Yuu once again trapped him in a harsh kiss, their bodies pressed together. His strong hands glided down his thin body, fingertips brushing against his smooth skin, only stopping at his thighs. They grabbed hold, pushing them gently open, pressing them against his chest. Still kissing him, Yuu prepared and then, far too soon perhaps, penetrated his tiny body, causing Ruki to let out a cry of pain, half-muffled by the other's lips. Yuu hushed him, stroking his hair and kissing his lips. It took time, but eventually, Ruki grew accustomed to his slow and careful movements, cries replaced by moans as he moved his hips to the same rhythm. </p><p>This satisfied Yuu, who picked up the pace of his thrusts, hungrily kissing his lips all the while beginning to slam into his tiny body, sending him trembling along with the tall headboard. He pulled away from the kiss, gazing at Ruki as he moaned, breathing quickening the harder he slammed. </p><p>Ruki's face remained flushed, both from pleasure and embarrassment, blue eyes meeting his. "Oh Yuu!" he moaned, for the first time speaking to his master with little formality, dropping his title thanks to the moment's intensity. He suddenly wondered if he had made a grave mistake.</p><p>And yet, Yuu had simply smiled, throwing his head back in pleasure as he panted, "Ruki!" </p><p>Hearing his name in such a manner only increased his embarrassment. But he was not ashamed. At this moment, he felt like he would never regret this decision like he simply couldn't. </p><p>Soon, the end was near, and they both knew it. Yuu somehow went faster, thrusting harshly, causing Ruki to howl in pleasure. As he howled, he released, making a mess on his master's stomach. The older man ignored the mess, continuing to pound into his body until he was satisfied, head falling against his thin shoulder, panting as he came. Ruki affectionately stroked his hair, holding him close. And yet, far too soon for the small man's liking, Yuu removed himself from his body and sat up on the bed, leaving Ruki to feel rather empty. </p><p>As though Yuu's loneliness had been handed down to him. </p><p> </p><p>~</p><p> </p><p>That had been the first, but not the last time, the two had quelled their loneliness by sharing a bed. To Ruki, it was, as Yuu had named it, lovemaking. He loved Yuu entirely, and he had even begun to believe that he was loved in return. This illusion lasted until just the previous year, when Yuu began inviting Ruki to his bed less and less, until one day, he stopped completely.</p><p>Yuu had seemed preoccupied with something for a long while and continually rebuffed Ruki's advances, just as he had done a few nights ago. And then, suddenly, Kouyou had arrived.</p><p>The tears he had been fighting now won as Ruki pressed himself against the wall. He thought about all of these things. Had Yuu ever loved him…? He honestly doubted it now. Now that Kouyou seemed to be Yuu's everything. </p><p>Just like how Yuu had been Ruki's everything.</p>
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